By Susan Okula
Vera, Ashley, and Barb holding up 1, 2, and 3 fingers in the front row as the 3 generations celebrate with teammates after the Independence Dragon Boat Regatta in Philadelphia
It was a day of firsts for mother and daughter and Annapolis Dragon Boat Club teammates Barb Witten and Ashley Shaklee. It was their first race, ever, at the Independence Dragon Boat Regatta in Philadelphia. And not only were they paddling, but Ashley’s daughter, 12-year-old Vera, was at the front of the boat, hastily recruited as a drummer when the team came up one paddler short.
Three generations in one boat, Vera ecstatically setting the pace and beating the drum as her mother and grandmother and the rest of the team gave it their all.
“That was a magical day,” remembers Barb. “It was also the moment when I first felt like we were back, that we were OK.”
Three years earlier, in 2019, Barb and Ashley were anything but OK. Unbelievably, both had been diagnosed with breast cancer within weeks of each other.
Barb, 63 at the time, had just had her first mammogram ever; she had listened to Ashley’s urging to get screened, but also had to overcome decades of anxiety and avoidance of oncologists brought on by losing her own mother (and Ashley’s grandmother) to breast cancer in the 1960s.
And then the same radiologist who had diagnosed Barb’s cancer figured out the mother-daughter connection and asked Ashley to come in for an exam. One biopsy later, Ashley also heard the unwelcome news.
“I remember the doctor saying ‘You’ve got it too. If your mother hadn’t come in I never would have flagged you.’” Ashley says. “That’s why my mom and I always say that we saved each other’s lives.”
Mother and daughter then embarked together on their treatment and recovery plans at The Breast Center of Luminis Health Anne Arundel Medical Center in Annapolis. The two women and their husbands would go to appointments at the same times as a foursome. Barb and Ashley also worked together at DatocWitten Group, an event planning firm co-founded by Barb.
“Work was intense and it didn’t allow us to take breaks. Work was also what kind of kept us going,” Ashley remembers. “She was worried for me, I was worried for her.”
Barb’s treatment consisted of a partial mastectomy and radiation. Ashley’s took an unwelcome turn. Her initial surgery did not find all the cancer. The surgeon then recommended that Ashley get a double mastectomy to excise the cancer completely on one side and be prophylactic on the other. “I really had no choice if I didn’t want it to come back,” Ashley says.
Barb had more health problems to traverse. With her cancer treatment over, she underwent two more surgeries – an open heart procedure for a valve replacement and aneurysm repair and vascular surgery to unknot some blood vessels. And Ashley opted for reconstructive surgery.
The emotional roller coaster of these health matters took its toll. Both women felt anger. Ashley’s two young daughters were overwhelmed by worry for their mother and grandmother. Their two husbands stepped into caregiver roles. “Mom had never fully dealt with her own mother’s death,” says Ashley. “And then she got me to deal with on top of that. And then I had to deal with what I was feeling and trying to understand at the same time what she was feeling.”
With their treatments successful, breast center caregivers told Barb and Ashley that they needed exercise to build up their health and to ward off re-occurrences. One caregiver suggested the dragon boat club. Barb went first and then convinced Ashley to join her in the boat.
They found inspiration and support through fellow club members. Barb marveled at breast cancer survivors and club members still underdoing active treatment. And she also met survivors “who had been through hell and back and who were now thriving, joyful, strong. They left breast cancer in the rear-view mirror. I began to see that I could do that, too,” says Barb.
Club members who are not breast cancer survivors play a role as well for Barb and Ashley. “I think of them as our pacers,” Barb says. “They encourage us. They are built-in cheerleaders.”
Ashley agrees. “The club is a great group of strong women,” she says. “It’s really about getting out there physically and mentally.”
